This conversation with Akira (as my spiritual guide) is about how to move on from grief and sorrow. In this dialogue we discuss when she crossed over and how she helped me in the days following her crossing and how in time she helped me to heal and move forward in life.

She started the conversation having me ask her a burning question and we let the dialogue follow from there...

How does one truly move on from grief? Sorrow?

Akira: How did you?

I felt every single emotion. I learned how to ride the wave (of grief).

Akira: Think back. What did you do the day I passed?

I was in absolute shock. I couldn’t even translate it in my mind. I felt you with me, only you weren’t physically there. We went to have lunch. I thought that very odd. I couldn’t understand how I could even think of eating let alone eat. How I could just seemingly go about my day not an hour after you passed like it was any normal kind of day, I couldn't grasp that. It was like an out of body experience.

I was driving to the restaurant, sitting down to eat, and you had just passed. Come to think of it, I had that very same experience when my brother passed and we left the ICU. An out of body experience. Surreal.

I didn’t know how to process it, connect what I was doing with how I was feeling. Nothing felt right. Sitting there alive. Eating. And you (and he) were no longer on this earth in body.

But with you, I felt you with me. Around me. I didn’t understand at the time. Later the Medium told me when you crossed over that you came almost immediately back to be by my side. 

Why does loving and losing someone have to hurt so terribly? Why is pain and grief the cost of loving someone so deeply?

Akira: Mom, I remember those days with you so vividly, too. I wanted so badly to hold you, for you to see me. To know that I was every bit still with you. 

I felt you though. I’m not sure how to explain it, but you were with me on my bed at night. Vibrating my body somehow. As I shared before, it was so intense it actually scared me, but I was afraid to move for fear it would end. I knew it was you, and I didn't want you to leave but it was the strangest thing I have ever experienced to this day.

The sensations were so strong. Energy surrounding me. What were you doing, my love?

Akira: Your body was in shock, I was helping it to heal. 

How so?

Akira: It was the only way I could help you at that time. To let you see and feel my presence. To move energy through you. For you to know unequivocally that I was there. 

Oh I felt it for so long. Months and months. And then over time it was less and less. Why did you leave me?

Akira: You didn’t need me that way any longer. By then we’d established our after life dialoguing. And it is true that as we ascend that it takes much more energy, usually not necessary, to bring our essence back in a physical manner. And you didn’t need it. You knew I was there.

But sometimes, when I am really hurting, I want to feel you again. To have the physical experience with you.

Akira: And I still do, it’s just much more subtle. 

What about our walks? When we’d connect and dialogue. Was that real?

Akira: Yes, so important for you to know I was there. You were not in a good place, the grief had taken over your very being and life. I needed to help you through that. And I wanted you to know I would never be leaving you. And I needed you to know that it was okay to move forward in your life knowing that I was always going to be there for you. I still am.  Don’t you feel that?

I do. I just remember how strong the sensations were with you when you first crossed over. And how clear our communications were on our walks. I miss that. Wonder why we can’t have that anymore?

Akira: It’s not needed as much. You have a life to live. You have developed this deeper connection with all of us in the after life. And we are guiding and supporting you every moment of every day.

I do still come to you on the bed at night sometimes. When I feel like you most need it. And I know you feel it, you just try to push it away as though it is not true. My essence is at a higher vibration and you need to meet me at that place. More subtle.

What do you want me to pass onto them right now?

Akira: That all is love. You are love. They are love. We are love. That the connection is real. And no matter what is going on in the world, and it is crazy at the moment, love is all that matters. Love heals. Love is.

Why is this so important to pass on?

Akira: People are starving. Not for food, you are saying starved at the soul level. They want more. You experienced this profoundly when you lost me. You lost the love that you had only experienced once in this life time. The unconditional love we had and continue to have, it broke your heart into pieces.

And as we always say, you learned the most important lesson of all. Soul love never dies. Love never dies. It might transmute into something that looks or feels different, especially when bodies leave the earth, but it always remains. Real love never dies. And that is how you moved forward. Once you realized this was true.

And this is also how you weathered your brother and father passing on. They love you so by the way, just wanted me to say, but you know that. Your brother, such a huge advocate for you. So much love there. Always by your side, too.

Immensely impressed with how you’ve chosen to move through life so bravely and kindly. How you’ve healed your heart and continue to deepen your capacity to love and hold compassion. And also how you’ve learned to draw boundaries and lovingly step away from that which does not serve your highest good, trusting in the highest good unfolding for all along the way. We marvel at your willingness to go deep within and heal your heart.

Take this all in, my love. Ever there with you. Holding you the way you held me in my final weeks and days. Our love, beyond words, can only really be felt in the heart. And that, my love, is how you managed to move forward in life. And to choose to live as fully as possible knowing I am right here by your side.

~ Akira